I miss that welcoming sniff you gave me when I stepped into my home, our home. I saw you waiting by the window pane every single time I'm home. I feel complete. I've never had a more complete life and I wouldn't ask for more, as your presence made me feel like I belong somewhere, and I do. 

You had me at the first touch, you were someone else's and then you were mine, I was grateful and I didn't take anything for granted; but I lost you when I don't have the chance to say goodbye. For that I'm sorry, angel. I was too motivated to complete college until I forgotten to have a chat with you. Today, I knew I wasted it.

Two weeks, it takes mother two weeks to hold the pain and fight the urge to tell me that you're gone; to keep me focused, to not see me fall, to not know anything about the both of you. But two weeks ago too, I glanced myself at (I would say) your favourite store and I couldn't help but to walk through the nicely knitted clothes for you and Macy. I wanted to buy a pair for the both of you, but mother allows me to purchase one. The worst part wasn't the choosing which colour was the nicest, the worst part was I haven't known that I've lost you, until today.

I couldn't finish every sentence without a tear slipping through the cheeks, pardon me.

Today, I completed my tests, which gives me a two-week break and I was too excited to go home, to play with the both of you and to get scratches, I wouldn't mind. I was thinking of all the possibilities that I could witness the second I arrive; were you skinnier? Have the both of you been naughty? Has she bullied you since she's one and a half size of you? How are you in the shirt I bought? But no, these questions rushed out of my mind the moment father said "I've got news for you". I couldn't think of the bad news, everything was great until he said your name. "Gracy..."

She's gone. I lost my nerves back there (I wasn't home yet, I was at a relative's). I could call out the vets for being bastards, for closing the clinics. But it was at night, so I couldn't blame anyone. I couldn't blame you for consuming whatever you ate wrong that night, because you're born to be tongue-tied. But I'm truly sorry angel, I couldn't be with you when you're dying. If i knew back then, if I was told at least, I'd take the risk to get home to you, because I know you need me.

Angel, I'm sorry I came home late. I couldn't rush back home ever since I knew you were not waiting for me anymore. I wanted to run away and grieve before I could face this place again, without you. I knew you won't be climbing up my desk and step through my keyboard before you can face the window anymore. I knew you won't be running up and down the stairs, and pose a restless you again. I know when mother calls for food, you won't be joining Macy anymore. She's on her own now, and you are too. I'll take her out, I'll play with her, I'll give out my love for her, since you've done it all when she was still an infant. Although she's grown, she witnessed you, her mother, taking your last breath in front of her. I'll be her mother, angel. I know I couldn't be back often, but as long as she lives, I'll be there for her.

It's hard for me to let you go, but I'm glad that you're gone. God loves you more than I do. But I'll let you go. Just don't forget to lift me up with you when I'm there too. Good night, Gracy. My love for you is ceaseless.